Issue No. 2
Can AI Find Me a Companion?
By Patti Feinstein
Dear Matchmaker,
Dear Matchmaker, I'm a successful man. I have a good life, great friends, I travel, and I'm at a point where I'd really like to find the right woman to share it with. And apparently, I now have an entire technology department helping me date. I can ask ChatGPT what kind of woman might be right for me. Alexa can find the restaurant. Siri can remind me to make the reservation. Dating apps can show me hundreds of women who supposedly meet my criteria. I have more choices, more information and more technology than men have ever had before. So why is finding the right woman still so difficult? Can AI actually find me a companion? — Still Searching
— Signed, Still Searching
Dear Still Searching,
Maybe.
But I wouldn't let it pick her.
AI can do some extraordinary things.
It can help you plan a trip, choose a restaurant, research virtually anything and—in about thirty seconds—give you a remarkably convincing explanation of the kind of woman you say you want.
There's just one little problem.
People aren't data.
You can tell an algorithm you want an attractive, intelligent, accomplished woman between certain ages who lives within fifty miles and loves to travel.
Great.
Now tell it what happens when she walks into the room.
Does she make you laugh?
Do you relax around her?
Is there warmth?
Does conversation come easily?
Does she have that indefinable something that makes you want dinner to last another hour?
That's where the checklist starts becoming a human being.
More Choices Haven't Necessarily Made Dating Easier
We have access to more potential dates than at any other point in history.
And yet I regularly meet accomplished men who tell me the same thing:
"I don't know where to meet the right woman."
That's fascinating.
The problem isn't necessarily access.
It's curation.
A thousand possibilities aren't particularly useful if none of them is right for you.
That's Where a Matchmaker Comes In
A good executive matchmaker isn't trying to show you the greatest number of women.
She's trying to introduce you to the right women.
That requires knowing more than what's written on a profile.
It requires knowing you.
It also requires knowing her.
Sometimes I know on paper that two people make perfect sense—and after talking to them, I know they absolutely don't.
Other times, I see something neither person would ever have selected for themselves.
That's not an algorithm.
That's judgment.
And judgment comes from knowing people.
So, Can AI Find You a Companion?
Maybe someday AI will introduce two people who fall madly in love.
Frankly, I hope it does.
But if you're asking whether I would turn one of the most important decisions of your life completely over to an algorithm?
No.
Use ChatGPT.
Ask Alexa.
Talk to Siri.
Let technology make your life easier.
But when you're looking for someone to share that life with, I still believe there's something to be said for one human being looking at another and thinking:
I know someone you should meet.
— Patti Feinstein Executive Matchmaker